Cupcakes Abridged
by Hamon 240
Summary: Nuff Said


Cupcakes Abridged

Original Fanfiction By Sergeant Sprinkles

It was Edited to get this By Hamon 240

**WARNING: This fanfiction maybe incredibly gory, but it will make you piss yourself**

The air was staler than Manehatten, the sun was blocked by the dark, and everypony in Ponyville was having a bad day. The town square was bustling and crowded and busy ponies filled the streets. All the pony folk seemed to have nowhere specific to be, again, like Manehatten. All except Rainbow Dash; her place was in the sky and NOT her job. She tore freely through the air, speeding one way and the next, buzzing the tree tops and racing the wind because she totally shouldn't be doing her job as weather control. The blue pegasus swooped over a schoolyard, much to the delight of the children, who never had a happier thing happen to them than a lazy bum that wouldn't clear the sky so they could see the sun for once fly by the school, then climbed several hundred feet and dove, streaking downward as fast as she could. Seconds before hitting the ground, her wings flew open and she pulled up back into the clear blue. Rainbow felt alive. "Dammit, I just lost 50 bits! yelled Scootaloo, who bet Rainbow would crash.

Suddenly, Dash remembered that she had somewhere to be; she was supposed to meet with Pinkie Pie in five minutes. Dash had gotten so caught up in her exercises that she did care if she was late. Pinkie had asked to meet her at Sugarcube Corner at three but she decided to stall till 5:00. Dash wasn't sure if she really wanted to go, though. She was so engaged with her stunts that she thought about blowing Pinkie off to continue flying or actually do her job! But, Dash's conscience got the better of her for once in her life. She knew that it would hurt Pinkie's feelings; after all, Pinkie was psychotic,what would she do if Dash didn't show up. Dash considered it and thought "why not?" What did she have to lose? Heck, it might be more pranking. Pinkie might have found a bunch more fun stuff to pull on folks, they'd had so much fun the last time and it was the only thing Pinkie could do right. But then again, jokes do get old. Dash decided to slow up a bit and make her decision when she got there.

When Dash walked into the store, she was immediately greeted by her host, who was bouncing in excitement. "Finally, you're here! I've been waiting all Celestria damned day," said the jumping pony.

"I'm so not sorry if I'm late, Pinkie. I was doing my afternoon exercises and lost track of if I a give a f***," Dash replied.

Pinkie grrred and responded in a scary-ass tone, "Oh that's ok, you're here now. What's a few more minutes? I've been so excited thinking about all _fun_ stuff we're gonna do, I haven't stopped bouncing since I woke up. I mean, I almost forgot to breathe I've been so _h...a...p...p...y_."

Dash gave a slightly uncomfortable laugh. She had always appreciated Pinkie Pie's friendly, outgoing way of life, but Pinkie's overabundant enthusiasm always creeped her the f out. Dash maintained a polite expression the best she could. If Pinkie was this worked up, whatever she had planned must be good or better than sitting on you flank all day instead of doing your WEATHER CONTROL JOB!

"So, you ready to get started, Rainbow Dash? I've got everything all ready," the pink pony said.

Dash put on a sarcastic tone. "Sure why not, what are we going to do?"

"BAKE CUPCAKES!" Pinkie happily announced.

"Baking?" Dash was even more disappointed. "Celestria dammit Pinkie, you know I suck at baking. Remember last time?"

"Oh that's not a problem at all. I only need your help making them. I'll be doing most of the **work**." Pinkie said pointing out again that Dash was shirking her job.

Dash thought for about it for a second. "Well, alright, I guess that's ok.

"That's the spirit. Here you go." Pinkie handed Dash a cupcake.

Dash was puzzled "Oh hell no, I've read the jail report you druggie"

"Awww, but I totally DIDN'T drug that cupcake, because no one who read the original story didn't know it was drugged by this point."

"So, is this like taste testing or something?"

"Sorta," Pinkie said.

Dash shrugged and popped the pastry in her mouth. She chewed a bit and swallowed.

"Ok, I know you put something in this, what was it? " Dash asked feeling trippy

"No I didn't," Pinkie said innocently

Dash felt higher than a chocobo's butt feather.

"Dammit, this is why you don't accept baked goods from a drug addict!"she said

When Dash regained consciousness, she found herself in a dark room. She tried to shake her head but found that a taut leather strap held it firmly in place. She struggled to move, but braces around her chest and limbs glued her to a rack formed from a series of sturdy planks, which spread her legs wide apart. Dash's wings were the only part of her not tied down, and they fluttered frantically while she struggled to escape. As she writhed, Pinkie jumped suddenly into her line of sight.

"Goodie, you're awake. Now we can get started," Pinkie stated gleefully. She bounded into the darkness, and quickly reappeared pushing a small cart covered with a cloth.

"Pinkie, whatever you do...DON'T, RAPE me" Dash said urgently.

"Well duh, I'm not going to do that. It would be too obvious." chided Pinkie.

"Oh, thank Celestria's grandma!."

"Cause I'm gonna kill you instead, because everyone WOULDN'T EXPECT THAT as the second thing that would happen!."

"Oh that's- WHAAAAAT!?" Rainbow replied

Dash's eyes widened, and her face contorted in fear. Then she started to laugh and said, in a voice bordering on hysteria, "Listen you deranged psycho, I've got a bodyguard! He'll kill you if he finds out about this!"

Pinkie only giggled even more and rolled her eyes. "Of course you do, because everyone does."

Dash was struggling again. "Pinkie, come on, this isn't funny."

"Then why am I laughing?" Before Dash could answer, Pinkie grabbed the cloth and whipped it off the cart. On the cart was a tray containing various sharp medical tools and knives, carefully organized and wickedly sharp, as well as a large medical bag.

Dash was now in full panic mode. She was starting to hyperventilate. Her mind raced as she tried to reason with the pink pony. "You can't do this Pinkie! I'm **kind** of your friend!"

"I know. That kind of is why I don't feel bad doing this." Pinkie was skipping again.

"But, the other ponies will wonder where I am. When the clouds pile up, they'll come looking for me and then you'll get found out," Dash cried in desperation.

"Oh, Dash," said Pinkie. "Why now of all times do you care about your pathetic weather control job and try to ruin my fun? You know Life is a friggin' party and I'm sick of you ruining mine."

The party pony was wearing a dress quilted from dried skin, emblazoned with cutie marks. On her back fluttered six pegasus wings, all of different colors. As the earth pony skipped in excitement, her necklace of severed unicorn horns clacked together loudly.

"Like it?" Pinkie asked. "I made it myself."

Dash started gagging. "Okay that dress has got to be the most unsanitary thing I've ever seen! Wait, what the hell, am I Rarity now? I'm about to die and I'm complaining about my killer's dress! Pinkie please, I'm sorry if I did anything to you. I didn't mean maybe I did. I promise I won't tell anybody if you let me go!"

"Oh Dash, you've done too much to be forgiven now. You stole my KLONDIKE BAR!" Pinkie replied.

Dash was now just plain pissed. "YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME OVER A CELESTRIA DAMNED KLONDIKE BAR!"

"Well it does sound overactive when you say it like that... " said Pinkie pondering not killing her friend. "But that would _kill_ the plot of this story."

Dash didn't have anything to say. She just sobbed and writhed in her tight bonds.

"Well" said Pinkie, "I'm gonna skip to the part where I try to cut you up like Barry the Chopper."

"For whatever reason I'm gonna cut your butt tattoos off." Pinkie Pie said as she sliced off Rainbow's cutie marks. "Hope you don't mind, I think I'm gonna wing it now," Pinkie laughed. She grabbed Dash's left wing in her mouth and played with it for a few seconds, yanking it back so the sharp pain reignited the fire in Dash's flanks. "I don't know what hurts worse! The cutting or the puns!" Rainbow Dash pleaded. Pinkie couldn't get the wing to come off, the blade just wasn't going through the bone. Pinkie got her hack saw and got ready for the most quoted line of this fanfiction.

"Got it! Say Dash, why do they call it a hack saw? It doesn't hack; hacking is what I was doing with the knife. This is a saw. I don't get it."

"I DON'T CARE JUST LET ME GO!" Rainbow cried. "I** WILL **CALL MY BODYGUARD!" "Oh silly Rainbow Dash, still thinking she has a-" Pinkie started but was interrupted by a long sword impaling her to the wall. "Oh Sephiroth thank you! What took you so long!?" Rainbow cried. "I just came when I **felt **like doing my** job."** The One-Winged Pegasus remarked. After he healed Dash he added on, "After the healing, and saving you from a deranged killer,the total comes to...OVER 9000! bits." Rainbow slapped her self. "Ummm, I'll let you know when I get paid..."

"If you get paid..." Sephiroth reminded her. "Provided you do your job." "Right..." Rainbow Dash replied. "My job."

Pinkie just hugged the wall. "Well that could have when better." She said. "I always hated _Final Fantasy._ At least Rainbow will do her weather job from now on." But, then Pinkie saw a silver foil wrapper on the ground. "Hey!" she exclaimed. "MY KLONDIKE BAR WAS HERE IN THE BASEMENT ALL ALONG! WHAT A SILLY FILLY I AM!"


End file.
